Tag Archives: narcissists

Marriage baggage

When I was a teenage lad I had a crazy dream
that ghosts were real and so was God despite them not being seen
Catholicism was my thing to be raised into early
marriage the goal, and lots of kids, to enter those gates, pearly

Religion threw me off of God, that priest and all his ways
“condoms are bad, you live in sin, you’ll burn with all the gays”
“how can you say that” I asked keenly – “you’re wearing a dress?”
“you stand there judging us in sin, you tell us we’re a mess”

He could only reply repeating “God’s mysterious ways”
my questions for him just went on, for days and days and days
“what about the hate you preach, that non-Catholics burn?
you can’t stand there telling us all this, my trust you’ll never earn”

So I moved on towards my ‘truth’, in hypnotherapy
all’s in the mind I read, that’s true, this is my victory!
shunning religion, faith and trust, in anger and in pain
my crohn’s disease filled me right up, with hate, disgust and shame

I blamed my God for all these feels, my life went down the pan
I took control of my own life, and into work I ran!
but there was hurt inside my heart, my intestines aflame
internalising all my pain, my life became a game

Levels, logic, maths and stats, psychology and need
this filled the gaping hole in me, which I’d replaced with greed
I worked too hard, I drank too hard, weekends an endless party
I told myself it all was fun, gregarious and hearty

It was a release from my pain, from lack of faith and hope
but that life only goes so far till you turn to a dope
your friends are all in the same boat, escaping their denial
you think you will find happiness, if you walk down the aisle

Find someone who will accept you, and all your shit, but how?
you’re lucky to find anyone – self-esteem? Not now
you find that person, OMG, everything will be fine
but all that time (a longer rhyme), you’ve just been fed a line

You’re easily manipulated, needy for that love
it attracts users to you, they fit just like a glove
a broken combo for their needs, you’re perfect for their goals
to love bomb, gain your trust and love, before they switch their roles

To ‘needing support’, playing to your hero fantasy
then 10 long years have passed you by, in abject misery
and when it ends you’re hit with honey traps and witch’s spell
she needs your money, not your love, she planned it very well

Divorce with reason, so that she could take my life long pension
but tarot’s given me an edge, and I can feel the tension
narcissists believe in nowt but their own satisfaction
she’s literally killing you, it’s time to take some action!

Pretend it’s you, pretend you’re weak, you just need to get out
if you confront her on her ways, you will end up with nowt
let her believe that you know nowt, you will not be a threat
offer her support and cash, her needs remain well met

Then sit and wait and bide your time, while she repeats her patterns
and suckers up some poor ‘nice’ bloke, and watch the pattern happen
she’s happy first, delighted, with a chuffed fake smile selfie
but I can see the hate behind her eyes glaring at me

She knows she’s lost, she doesn’t know how much you know at all
she knows you know her secret past, and access to her fall
do mutual friends like you or her, with honesty at stake?
I’ll keep that to myself I think, some silence you can take

But should I speak up, should I talk and get a little even?
release when you’ve been wronged, it feels so good to help the greivin’
I know that I can vent some feels, those feels need to be vented
should I help out her poor new bloke – black widow’s plan prevented?

I realise this won’t do me or them any long term good
I keep betrayal to myself, I feel that’s what I should
then spirit pokes me out of slumber, gives me the green light
“It’s time” it says, “to release all your secret marriage plight!”

“I’ve been with you this whole long time, God doesn’t leave your side
You just called me ‘the universe’, when you were trying to hide
I know it’s hard and it’s not just, but I have got your back
I’m gonna make up for the life, that until now you lack
If you’d have done this before now, you would have been too angry
Your anger would have turned to hate, and lashing out quite blindly”

So i’ll just write this up into a poem she won’t see
or will she? I dunno, it doesn’t matter now to me
I get my release, if she sees, she’ll know I know what’s up
I wont fuss much, I don’t need to, I’ve got a full love cup

Just one thing lingers, I don’t need revenge or to get even
I just wanted to let her know, that love that she was bleedin’
has bled away and I feel nothing, completely sod all
I’m over you in every way, and life’s a real ball!

My last note on this is to say I know that you’re a stalker
I feel your energy lingering, I wish you’d take a walk-a
I’ve cut the cords, your energy, and memories from my life
not out of hurt, just ’cause I should

So, all the best, ex-wife 🖤

The end

…and a new beginning 💗